Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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