Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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