So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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