youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize