Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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