We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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