I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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