dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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