Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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