I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Randomize
