oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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