I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
