he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
