Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
