so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
