our cab driver is having phone sex.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
