Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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