so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
