you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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