Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
