Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
