If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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