i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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