new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
