I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I understand Curling. That high.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize