I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize