these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
