what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
dude. I can hear the air.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
