How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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