whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
