Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize