His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
