You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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