I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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