I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
