What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I bet he comes in French.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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