where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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