The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
