I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
