I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize