dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
