Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
