3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize