Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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