this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
