I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize