That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she peed on how many people?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize