He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
