I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize