Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
