Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
