That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
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