i jhust puked up my retainher.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
