her vagine was all disorganized.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
