Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
tell me about the eggs
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
