i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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