Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
