I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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