i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
