Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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