well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
