Umm I'm too high to move.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
