just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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