OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
