I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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