your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
