I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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