I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
