I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
