wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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