end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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