And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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