the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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