after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hippo gnu deer
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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