apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
