my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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