She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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