Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize