That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
