I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
