officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
