Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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