I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
