ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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