i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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