just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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