I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
