Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
