its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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