All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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