I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
