dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
