So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
