Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
