Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
