Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize