saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
