Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize