I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
